beneficial

I don't have any inspiration to write but I know my heart needs to write. And so I'm just gonna start writing and see what actually comes rolling out. Maybe it will be beneficial.

It's summer break. I love it. Except is it really summer break for me if I actually am not going back into the classroom in fall? I hardly can call it summer break for me then. It's just life now. This is life now. I'm home. Living under my parents roof again.

So here's the thing. It feels weird to be at home, dwelling in my comfort zone. It feels weird to actually not have the responsibility of a teacher. It feels weird that I can stay hanging out with friends till after midnight. Also it feels free.

So for the month of June, I'm staying home and doing home things. In July I will apply myself again in the work force and start seeing the lovely thing that's called a paycheck again. That will be beneficial for the financial health.

I have my name in to go back to the ranch but they say it's a year give or take yet, so here I am just chilling, with no big field trip to count down to, or program to stress about, or birthday party to plan, or dress to buy for a special day, or fun activities to deliver to six excited humans. Like I just truly am at home, with no future map. That is as exhilarating as it is weird. It's not scary though, which I'm grateful for.

It feels wrong to read a Bella Grace magazine at 10 in the morning or 3 in the afternoon or honestly 8 in the evening too. I got a new issue of Bella Grace but I never know when I can give myself permission to sit and read it. Also I have another Torey Hayden book I wanna start. But here's the thing. I just feel bad sitting and reading. I just feel like I need to always be doing something big and important. It just feels wrong to not have a schedule and job and a go-go-go lifestyle.

And yet here I sit and write at quarter after 4 on a Thursday afternoon and that doesn't feel bad but that's cuz I'm doing something. Reading to me isn't doing anything. It's consuming time. Which I know reading is so beneficial for the brain and I really DO want to get into it, it just is a tad of a struggle for me.

So this month I'm practising just chilling exactly where I am at. This month is for mint tea making and dog walking and friend catching up-ing. It's for decluttering and horse working and tree branches burning. It’s for late nights of youth deal-ing and front deck scrubbing and audio booking listening. This month is for niece+nephew bonding, energy bite making, and random drink concocting.

I've challenged myself to go on a walk everyday with my dog. Partly for bonding cuz we've had a bit of a strain to that relationship after being gone for so long, and partly cuz exercise in fresh air has been known to be beneficial for the mental health.

I've been trying new things. Like lilac syrup making - not a success. Smells like silage. No joke. I've been into trimming trees. I've gotten very snipper happy. With the help of a youtube video I’ve learned a snippet on pruning. It's been enjoyable. Satisfying honestly. Also, former co teacher and I have a lil challenge going called No Pinterest. That's a new thought to the system. Beneficial for the system too.

We got some family coming out at the end of the month. Currently folks are gone on a trip. I stayed home. Meaning, I get to do all the watering and mowing and trimming. Fun stuff. Full time stuff.

Last night Doyle's and a cousin and I zoomed to town for a game of clumsy mini golf that was laughter-saturated and then we feasted on ice cream to end the evening.

In conclusion, it's so lovely to be home. But man, it feels weird some days too. For the past three years I've always had a leaving-home-date on my calendar. So for once in a very long time, I'm chilling here at home with no idea when I'm leaving home again. And I'm okay with that. I'm just not used to that. So it takes a bit getting used to.

side note : did you know there are EIGHT aspects to personal well being? I didn’t, until a friend clued me in. They are : physical, spiritual, social, emotional, intellectual, occupational, environmental, and financial.

side note number two : I’ve been listening to the Keeper series by Charles Martin. Yesterday I finished Record Keeper. I don't know how I feel about it yet but one thing I know for certain is that Charles Martin man is an insanely talented writer. If you are ever reading those books and need someone to debrief with, I'm here.

Okay I'm gonna wrap this up for real now. It was beneficial for me to write this out so thanks for taking the time to read these words.

Whatever season you are in, may you see the gold in all the weird.