change

Since March 11, everything has changed. 

Calendar pages are scribbled on and replaced with plans I have no desire to write down. The mail, room decor, and hobbies change. Supper table conversations now include what happens with a body in the morgue or how to navigate mourning. 

My faith has changed. I see God through a wildly different lens. My mindset on life has changed, once so earthly focused has turned heavenward. Priorities hold different weights. 

Once you’ve watched the casket lid close on your dear friend, the bucket list does not seem so appealing anymore. Death suddenly does not grip your heart with fear or disgust anymore. You start respecting life and death with a lot more value. When someone that close to you dies, a part of you dies also, and you are never the same. It changes you in a million lil ways. And that’s ok. 

Everything changes, but not everyone. 

There’s still God. Just as much as He is on His throne, He is closer than our very breath. We turn to God. We reach out and grab His garment and He grabs us. We get to rest in those big ol arms of grace, knowing we are forever soul safe. Our security in God changes as we grow deeper yet the actual security of Him does not change. He is still the same God that blesses people with the very same things He took from us. 

As I grapple with reality, I decide to acknowledge all the change. I sit with it. I know no amount of fighting against this is gonna change reality, so I accept it. I look at the One who never does change. And I breathe in the unchangeable promises of who He is.

And I think of those simple words a friend said to me this week "I'm just so glad we believe in a God."♡